"There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after."
Thorin has said that to him and Fili both more than a few times, as if desperate for his nephews not to forget it, though Kili had never fully understood the importance of it until now. He would have thought that he'd find Fili in this place, whatever it is, because it's always been Fili. His brother has always been the one to guide him when Kili had been lost, even if he hadn't known he was, and he wouldn't have considered anything different even in the wake of their deaths. The mere memory of that, of Fili's empty gaze, sends a sharp pain through him even as he tries to remember that he's still of the line of Durin and never do the line of Durin fleet from any fight. This one, this fight, requires a strength of heart gone still. It requires acceptance that he is where he should be now, that there's nothing more for him to do.
Still, it feels like hiding.
Kili can hear his uncle's words ringing through his head again as clearly as if he were here beside him, though he suspects there would be a great deal more of unrestrained anger in Thorin's voice if he could see the way Tauriel is touching him. It is strange, he thinks, that she would be the one to find here but it only proves Thorin right. He'd found her. By Mahal, he'd found her, and she will be the one to take him home.
Kili covers her hand with his own, allowing himself this moment to revel in the smoothness of her skin and the gentle brush of her fingertips against his own. He remembers reaching out for her hand that night in Bard's home, still so certain that she could only be dream, but oh, how real she feels now. He only wishes that they could have more than just these fleeting moments together, and Kili has to wonder how much longer they have now.
"You're to guide me then," he says, more of a question than a statement, "and when I've reached the halls of the Maker, we will part again."
He wills her to tell him differently but there is no hope left for them in his heart. Kili will lose her again, he's never been so certain of anything, but the one consolation he has is that he's sure to see his brother again. To give one up to gain another causes an ache in him that he can hardly carry but what choice does he have now? Choice had been taken from him the moment he'd taken his last breath.
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Thorin has said that to him and Fili both more than a few times, as if desperate for his nephews not to forget it, though Kili had never fully understood the importance of it until now. He would have thought that he'd find Fili in this place, whatever it is, because it's always been Fili. His brother has always been the one to guide him when Kili had been lost, even if he hadn't known he was, and he wouldn't have considered anything different even in the wake of their deaths. The mere memory of that, of Fili's empty gaze, sends a sharp pain through him even as he tries to remember that he's still of the line of Durin and never do the line of Durin fleet from any fight. This one, this fight, requires a strength of heart gone still. It requires acceptance that he is where he should be now, that there's nothing more for him to do.
Still, it feels like hiding.
Kili can hear his uncle's words ringing through his head again as clearly as if he were here beside him, though he suspects there would be a great deal more of unrestrained anger in Thorin's voice if he could see the way Tauriel is touching him. It is strange, he thinks, that she would be the one to find here but it only proves Thorin right. He'd found her. By Mahal, he'd found her, and she will be the one to take him home.
Kili covers her hand with his own, allowing himself this moment to revel in the smoothness of her skin and the gentle brush of her fingertips against his own. He remembers reaching out for her hand that night in Bard's home, still so certain that she could only be dream, but oh, how real she feels now. He only wishes that they could have more than just these fleeting moments together, and Kili has to wonder how much longer they have now.
"You're to guide me then," he says, more of a question than a statement, "and when I've reached the halls of the Maker, we will part again."
He wills her to tell him differently but there is no hope left for them in his heart. Kili will lose her again, he's never been so certain of anything, but the one consolation he has is that he's sure to see his brother again. To give one up to gain another causes an ache in him that he can hardly carry but what choice does he have now? Choice had been taken from him the moment he'd taken his last breath.