When she touches him, Kili fears for just a moment that he's forgotten how to speak, to breathe, and the feel of her hand against his skin only sends a new rush of tears spilling down his cheeks. This state is not fitting for an heir of Durin, Kili can hear Thorin's voice booming in his mind and see his uncle standing so tall above him, like he had when Kili was just a dwarfling. Things had been so much simpler then, before all of this, before he'd given up his life to save a home that had been taken from his bloodline long before he'd been born. Never has he felt as small as he does now, cowering in the face of someone who'd saved him and for whom he'd paid such the ultimate price. He longs now to go back to when he'd been a lad, his biggest worry being what story his brother might tell him to put him to sleep, not to be here with the dream of a love that is always just out of reach.
"You were light in darkness," he murmurs, taking in a ragged breath as he leans his cheek further against her touch. "I think you could have loved me longer, given the chance."
Tauriel says she'd watched him die and that alone is enough to convince Kili now that he truly must have been sent to Mahal. Or perhaps, he considers, this is where he's been sent to wait. Perhaps in time, he'll be reunited with his brother, restored to Fili's side where he's always belonged. He can think of no other reason why he'd be punished like this, and he only hopes this doesn't last. A lifetime sentence of being so close to her and yet so impossibly far would be cruel enough but to rob him of the chance to lay eyes upon his brother again, to keep him from knowing the fate of his uncle and whether Erebor had been reclaimed, seems worse than having that stake pierce him again and again. He'd take the pain if it would mean he'd know his loved ones were, in their own ways, at peace.
But this? This is akin to torture. All his life, Kili has played the part of the reckless brother, the youngest, the most foolhardy and impulsive and hotheaded, but it isn't until this moment that he's asked himself to what end? If he'd heeded Thorin's orders, if he'd stayed with Fili rather than let his brother walk into the arms of danger all on his own, neither of them might have died. They've always been stronger when they're together, hardly ever separated from the time Kili could walk, and now there is an ache, a wound caused by no Morgul weapon, in his chest that he knows will never heal.
"Will you stay with me?" It cannot last, he knows that, but he intends to hold on to the only bit of good left in his empty life for as long as he's able, even if she's merely a ghost of a memory. "I cannot bear to be alone, please... Please stay with me."
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"You were light in darkness," he murmurs, taking in a ragged breath as he leans his cheek further against her touch. "I think you could have loved me longer, given the chance."
Tauriel says she'd watched him die and that alone is enough to convince Kili now that he truly must have been sent to Mahal. Or perhaps, he considers, this is where he's been sent to wait. Perhaps in time, he'll be reunited with his brother, restored to Fili's side where he's always belonged. He can think of no other reason why he'd be punished like this, and he only hopes this doesn't last. A lifetime sentence of being so close to her and yet so impossibly far would be cruel enough but to rob him of the chance to lay eyes upon his brother again, to keep him from knowing the fate of his uncle and whether Erebor had been reclaimed, seems worse than having that stake pierce him again and again. He'd take the pain if it would mean he'd know his loved ones were, in their own ways, at peace.
But this? This is akin to torture. All his life, Kili has played the part of the reckless brother, the youngest, the most foolhardy and impulsive and hotheaded, but it isn't until this moment that he's asked himself to what end? If he'd heeded Thorin's orders, if he'd stayed with Fili rather than let his brother walk into the arms of danger all on his own, neither of them might have died. They've always been stronger when they're together, hardly ever separated from the time Kili could walk, and now there is an ache, a wound caused by no Morgul weapon, in his chest that he knows will never heal.
"Will you stay with me?" It cannot last, he knows that, but he intends to hold on to the only bit of good left in his empty life for as long as he's able, even if she's merely a ghost of a memory. "I cannot bear to be alone, please... Please stay with me."